MY LAST LETTER

LETTER TO MY DEAD WIFE My name is Samson, 37years old. I married my wife when I was 29, we were so much in love, but as you know, love sometimes fade, and when it does, nasty things happen, especially when either of the couple start looking outside for fulfilment and attention. I'm going to tell you the story of my life, and I pray it touches someone's live for the best. I wasn't lucky and I'm now living in regret, and I won't want that for any one. I left for work on November 22 2013, with the intention to call a spade a spade. When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I’ve got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes. Suddenly I didn’t know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I let it out my mouth. "I want a divorce". I raised the topic calmly. She didn’t seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why? I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the cutlery and shouted at me, "You are not a man"! Well that's what I expected, and I was happy she yelled at me. That night, we didn’t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Susan. I didn’t love her anymore. I just pitied her! She is 32 and mother to our handsome and only son. Well I hope he get to understand my decision some day. With a deep sense of guilt, I really don't want hers to be like a typical Nigeria divorce where the woman gets to suffer, so I stated in a note to my lawyer that she should own one house, one car, and I open a boutique business for her . She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life including dating with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved susan so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now. The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I looked at the dinner, and I saw a plate of food covered, which I guess was mine, but I didn’t have supper that night, instead walk straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Susan. When I woke up at the middle of the night, she was this time; at the table in the room writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again. In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn’t want anything from me, but needed (1) A month’s notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month’s time and she didn’t want to disrupt him with our broken marriage. This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding night. She requested that every day for the one month duration I should carry her out of our bedroom to the front door every morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request. Although I would have prefer it rough, so as to make her forget about me easily. I told Susan about my wife’s divorce conditions, She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. "No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce", she said scornfully. My wife and I hadn’t had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed we slept on the big bed like strangers. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is carrying mummy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; "don’t tell our son about the divorce". I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went and wait for a taxi to take her to work. I drove alone to the office. On the second day, both of us acted much more at ease. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn’t looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her. On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me. On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn’t tell Susan about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger. She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, and said "all my dresses have grown bigger". I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily. Suddenly it hit me… she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head. Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it’s time to carry mum out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day. But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn’t noticed that our life lacked intimacy. I drove out, on my way to the office, I stop by at susan's house, jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind…I walked upstairs. Susan opened the door and I said to her, "Sorry, Susan, I do not want the divorce anymore". She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. "Do you have a fever"? She said. I moved her hand off my head. "Sorry, Susan, I said, I won’t divorce my wife". My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn’t value the details of our lives, not because we didn’t love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart. Susan seems to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away. I stop at a boutic on the way, I ordered some new cloths, under wears, shoes and jwerries for my wife. The sales girl asked me, "newly married"? I smiled and say, "married again". When she was done packing the cloths, I ask for a special delivery to my house. I wanted to surprise her, so I wrote a note with the gift saying; "I’ll carry you out every morning until death do us apart". That evening I arrived home, with smiles on my face over my decision, I run up stairs, only to find my wife on the bed DEAD and it was then I was able to read the notes she was writing that night. My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Susan to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from any negative reaction and hatred from our son, in case we push through with the divorce. At least, in the eyes of our son I’m a loving husband. At the moment of writing this to you all, I still can't stop sobbing. The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. All these things are good, but only create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse’s friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. If you are not in a relationship now, remember this for the second (or third) time around. It's never too late. Letter to my loving wife. Tosin. WRITTEN BY SIMPA SAINT SAMSONS